Sketches of a Life

Being a (wannabe) content creator on the Internet is seldom an easy task.

It requires an unceasing motivation and lots of free time (that I lack more often than not), and implies readiness to being exposed all the time. Exposed on Facebook, exposed on Instagram, exposed on every other social platform with the sole aim of doing what you love and getting your voice heard beyond the boundaries of your real-life social circle.

For starters, finding inspiration is hard. 

Turning it into an actual, quality content takes time, particularly when you're your own model, photographer, graphic designer, author, proofreader, editor, web administrator, PR specialist and what else not.

But what's harder than anything else is putting yourself, your ideas, your thoughts, your creations out there, and fearing feedback.

Now, the fact is that we all doubt ourselves sometimes. We all seek appraisal, acceptance and hopefully commendation within our social circles. But what happens when we let the whole interested world judge us?

Below are some of the situations I've experienced since I started blogging (and I'm listing them chronologically) that might answer the question.

You get extremely positive comments and encouragement from the most unexpected people

I remember the first message I ever recieved in my SoaL Facebook page Inbox: it was from a girl that I knew from school, but hadn't seen in years. My first thought was: Wow, I can't believe she's reading my blog! Long story short, this message was full of encouragement and praises on different aspects of my blog. I can't even describe how happy it made me to know that someone not so close to me values what I do and feels the need to share it with me. If she's reading this, once again: thank you from the bottom of my heart! It was the motivation I needed to carry on at the time I was actually considering giving up.

You get mild reactions from the people you'd expect to be much more supportive

When I first started blogging, it took me at least ten blog posts (and another cancelled blog prior to SoaL) before I gathered the courage to share my writings with my Facebook friends. At the time, I wasn't really sure what I was doing, where I was going with it, or if it was any good at all. It was simply one of those f*ck it moments when I decided to press the share button and invite my Facebook friends to like the page. Honestly, it was terrifying. And to this day, sharing on my private FB page still is. The initial reactions were, of course, but positive. But truth to be told, all my Facebook friends are the people I actually know, so I kind of expected their support. However, I later noticed some of my closest friends didn't like the page, or liked it but never actually engaged, which left me quite disappointed. What's the reason for this, I really can't tell, but I guess I should have been more aware this might happen and stress less about it. 

You get creepers and stalkers

When you want more people to know about your business, you make sure most your social media profiles/pages are interrelated and public. You publish your best photos, some created specifically for this purpose. And, of course, you do this conscious of the other side of the coin: possibly attracting bad audience. In my experience, it starts with comments on your appearance. Then it moves to private messaging (that I ignore, that's why my response rate is so low :)) and friend requests, sent even to your actual friends. Some, however, get so persistent that you are forced to reply: you kindly thank them for the compliments and politely explain you do not want their presents / travel opportunities / company / whatever. That's when they get mad and start accusing you of being fake / frigid / stupid / you name it. Because why else would a poor Croatian girl be on Instagram but to find an elderly, wealthy German to marry her and make her a princess?

You get absolute strangers supporting you

This is the best kind of attention because it tells you you've reached the right audience, genuinely interested in what you have to say. I honestly value every like, comment and share I get, not because I am obsessed with numbers, but because these likes, shares and comments help me grow my business. I wish more people would understand how this works and why every like counts. Which brings me to:

You get lack of understanding from your friends

I have a friend constantly complaining about my Instagram activity and openly refusing to like my Instagram posts because he believes I spend too much effort on creating content for this platform. Several times he texted me asking what I was doing, and I replied half-jokingly: Getting ready for my Instagram photoshoot. Ever since he's been boycotting liking my Instagram posts. The truth is, I do spend a lot of time and effort on creating this content. And the reason is quite simple: according to the blog statistics, Instagram is the platform that generates most visits to my blog. So in order to promote the blog, I have to be constantly active on this platform. Besides, I genuinely like Instagram better than any other social media because I am primarily a visual person and I like expressing myself and seeing others expressing themselves only visually, which is nearly impossible with other social media.

You get negative feedback

You probably won't believe me, but I swear, to this day, I haven't recieved a single negative comment. Of course, you might consider some of the situations described above as a form of negative feedback. I often do, too. But I suffer from social anxiety, so I guess that's normal. :) But my greatest strength is that I have learned how to control my anxiety and how to channel it into something positive. That's why I am sure that, when I finally experience some hate, I'll be able to learn from it and rise above it. I really appreciate good argument, so I actually look forward to being called on my weak points, mistakes, etc. Remember, that saying If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. doesn't apply here! So hit me!

Which brings me to my last point, which is think is worst than hate:

You get no reaction at all

I'm not talking about strangers here. I am talking about the people I am close with. Those I'd die for. Those I support in whatever they come up with. The same ones who ignored the invitations to like the SoaL page or engage with the blog content they must have seen on various social media. I'm sorry, but I simply don't understand this. Is this a form of negative feedback? Tell me what you think in the comments!

Finally, there's a point to this blog post and it's SUPPORT. I'm saying this from two different points of view: as a translator, and as an aspiring blogger. I've experienced how hard it is out there. The Internet is full of people loving the same things as you do, doing the same things as you do, and trying to succeed just like you, but it's a constant battle: against yourself, against your competition, against advertising policies, against hate and envy. If you're an aspiring artist reading this post, I hope it doesn't discourage you, but prepare you for what you might experience. Be smarter than me and, if what you do makes you truly happy, never give up on it!

But if you're someone who knows someone struggling to make something work through social media, like their handmade products page, photography page, art page, music page, or similar. Even if you don't find yourself directly involved in what they do, show some appreciation for their creativity and efforts, and show some love. Like their content. Help them take or edit photos. Proofread their lyrics. Point to what they're doing wrong and what they're doing great. Your support matters, in whatever form it may come. Believe me, it will be appreciated.

As always, thanks for reading!

Recently I turned 29. Counting backwards, of course.

On this never-before-seen occasion, my friends and family showered me with tons of amazing beauty products. This was definitelly uncalled for (except on every single one of my social media profiles, but let's not split hairs, ok?), and I absolutely loved each one. Need I say my peeeps are the best in the world?

Among the beautiful gifts I received, one in particular got me feeling like a dog with two tails: the latest I <3 Revolution Chocolate Palette in Violet. Advertised as the eye makeup with 18 richly pigmented shades (captivating purples, violet tones, burgundy hues, earthy neutrals and browns / a mixture of mattes, shimmers and satin shades), I couldn't wait to try it. 

PACKAGING AND PRICE

The Violet Chocolate Eyeshadow Palette is packaged within the I <3 Revolution typical dripping chocolate palette design (there are 23 other palettes in this line), with purple chocolate dripping onto the dark. It contains a full-size mirror on the lid and, for the first time, the eyeshadow shade names printed below them. So cute!

Certainly, the Violet Chocolate Palette is just one of the many purple-themed palettes released by both high-end and budget brands during the last several months: it's safe to say that purple is the new trending colour in the Makeup Land. Personally, I don't mind this at all: it is one of my all-time favourite colours, it's great for creating many wonderful autumn looks, and it acts beautifully on both green and brown eyes. But before moving on to my review of this palette's performance, I must underline that the one thing that makes this palette stand out among other similar palettes at the very first glance is its price. Eighteen beautiful shades for only about €13.00 - sounds crazy, right? I must confess I was initially sceptical, too, although you know I am a firm believer that price doesn't always equal quality. However, the palette screamed my name so loud when I unpacked it that I just had to try it out right away. 

And right away was 9 p.m. on a Friday night. 

Which translates to: laziness, unpreparedness, poor lighting, poor shots. And to using all of these as an excuse for not-so-perfect blending. 

Still, none of the above discouraged me. On the contrary, I even decided to do two different eyeshadow looks. One on my left, one on my right eye.

(Halloween is just around the corner, isn't it? I might as well go about looking like a maniac) 

Although it's hard to tell it's autumn here in Croatia with temperatures still around 25°C, I've finally managed to come to terms with waving summer goodbye. And this oddly perfect mid-October weather inspired me to create a new autumn makeup look that the Violet Chocolate Palette seemed just ideal for. And here is what I came up with:
In creating this red-brownish look, I used Wine as the transition shade, Mulberry on the crease, Expedite on my outer eye corner, and Prevail to highlight my browbone. For my inner eye corner, I used another palette (All About Sunrise by Essence) as I wanted a light, neutral, shimmery shade there, so I applied the lightest of the shades included in the Sunrise palette using a wet brush. On the lower lashline I again used a light layer of Wine, Mulberry and Expedite. If you look really closely, you'll notice I also applied some red eye pencil on my waterline and, of course, some black eyeliner and mascara.

The finished look was just amazing! I love how easily these eyeshadows blended and how little fallout there was. Also, I must applaud the pigment - just wow! 

LOOK NO. 2: PURPLES

CONCLUSION

Buying this palette was the best investment ever. Seriously.
The ratio of invested and gained is by large on the side of gained. I mean, €13.00 for eighteen pretty, diverse shades that allow you to create a number of either basic or vamp looks - what's there not to like? If you're a fan of violet and burgundy matte shades like I am, this is the palette you'd probably want.

As I stated above, the mattes are amazingly pigmented, buildable, blendable, and longlasting.
Shimmers are somewhat inferior to the mattes, however: they are not as intense, nor metallic as one might expect them to be. This is something I personally don't mind as I am not a big fan of shimmers anyway.

I have one resent, though: I wish the palette had at least one whitish, shimmery shade. I am positive it would have fitted perfectly with the existing ones. 

Have you had the chance to try out this palette? And which of the two looks I created do you like better? 

We live in a society obsessed with physical appearance. And whether we'd like to admit it or not, we are all forever in persuit of beauty. We do different things to make ourselves feel and look better daily. Some achieve this with makeup, some with changing their hairstyles, and some with simply wearing the clothes that please their figure. Some spend hours at the gym. Others spend hours at the beauty salon. And some... well, they go under the knife. 

I don't think I've ever met a person completely happy with the way they are. I have perfectly beautiful girl friends who don't appreciate different parts of themselves - that in all honesty no one else even notices (and I am sure they would argue the same for me). Still, I can understand their struggle: it's the face and/or body they see everyday. It's the face and/or body that stares back at them in the mirror every time they do something as trivial as wash their hands. And it's that little something in that reflection that makes them think less of themselves and ruins their self-confidence. 

Now, I know perfectly well that this is a serious psychological issue. When it's no longer about what other people think of you, but about what you think of yourself, that's when things can get ugly. 

And this is why I am all in favour of a change - provided it doesn't exceed the limits of good taste, poses a health risk, or endangers others. Other than that, I encourage everyone to do whatever they need to do to make themselves happy. 

In one of my previous posts, I discussed my body transformation in terms of weight loss, and I mentioned I was having some dental work done. Ever since, I've been repeatedy asked why: What is wrong with your teeth? Why are you messing with your teeth if they are healthy? Why do you think your teeth are ugly? Why this, why that. Why, why, why...

Now here's why. 

BACKSTORY

When I was a child, a had a tooth taken out. The upper right lateral incisor. My dentist claimed it was a baby tooth, and my permanent tooth was suppossed to come out later on. But it never did. 

Fast forward to my teenage years, by the time of which the neighbouring, canine tooth moved frontward and took the position in the centre of the hole that was normally supposed to be occupied by two teeth. Also, all of my other teeth, now exhibiting enough space to wander, moved apart and grew gaps. 

At the time I was about 18, I had the canine tooth trimmed and a two-unit crown placed on it. This was only a semi-solution, so to say, and I was never happy with it.

Many years of smoking and having excessive amounts of coffee afterwards, and here we are today. With a new smile and, instead of trying to deny the obvious change, speaking openly about it.

THE PROCESS

To be honest, my first visit to the dentist's three months ago was for purely aesthetic reasons. However, to cut the story short, the x-ray immediately revealed there existed other problems that needed to be addressed urgently, so I eventually ended up having this transformation for both health and aesthetic reasons. It's sad to say, but none of the problems discovered were caused by poor oral care or anything I could have prevented, but by the ill-practice of some of my former dentists. I can't help but thinking, if only my childhood dentist hadn't taken the lateral incisor out, perhaps none of this would have happened.

Anyway, the greatest problem revealed was that the tooth bearing the crown got cracked under my gums at some point. As this posed a threat of an infection, the only solution was to have it taken out. I must say I was somewhat relieved to know I will never see that ugly crown again, no matter what other solution my new dentists might come up with. The doctor and I eventually agreed on the procedures I had to undertake (bridge + veneers), and it was all supposed to be done in 3 weeks. But you can guess: it got more complicated than expected, and the procedure actually lasted for nearly 3 months. 

Now here's a short account of how it all went down (roughly, as I recall):

VISIT ONE: 

- Taking the crown out and extracting the cracked tooth root

- Preparing the teeth for veneers and a bridge (removing a thin layer of enamel from the teeth surface)

- Gingivectomy / laser gum contouring (as I had short teeth and uneven gums)

- Temporary veneers modeled on my natural teeth (I think I might write a whole blog post on what it was like living with these and why I hated them so much)

VISIT TWO:

- Progress check

- Taking out the remains of a tooth allegedly taken out by a dental surgeon several years before

VISIT THREE-FOUR-FIVE-ETC.:

- Progress check: my gums didn't heal in the period expected so we couldn't go on with the procedure

- My temporary veneers broke and I had to have them replaced (this happened a million times)

VISIT SEVEN:

- More enamel removal

- Taking impression of my trimmed teeth

VISIT EIGHT:

- Polishing my lower teeth to approximately determine the future colour of my upper teeth

VISIT NINE:

- Seeing the first "draft" of my future teeth and examining their fit

- Finally getting the temporary veneers modeled on my new teeth (these were much firmer and prettier than the ones modeled on my natural teeth)
VISIT TEN-ELEVEN-TWELVE-ETC.:

- Consultations as to what I wanted to be made different (I had most problems with the colour because I refused to have my teeth too white, and I wanted my front teeth to look the same)

- Another minor gingivectomy

VISIT THIRTEEN:

- Lower teeth whitening: Zoom! in-office teeth whitening

VISIT FOURTEEN:

- Final consultations

VISIT FIFTEEN:
- I was offered to have my new teeth temporarily cemented to make sure they feel comfortable before permanently cementing them: I refused because I'd already gotten used to my temporary veneers

- Permanently cementing my bridge and veneers

THE DENTAL OFFICE

I had all of this done at iSmile Estetic Dentistry & Orthodontics in Split, Croatia. Doctor Nikola and nurse Kristina - I thank you from the bottom of my heart: you've made the impossible possible! I also thank the entire amazing iSmile team!

If you're looking for a place to fix your smile, this is the one!

(and another thing, ladies, the doctor is young and handsome :))

THE PAIN

None whatsoever. I was provided with anesthesia every single time. The teeth extraction was a bit uncomfortable, but not painful. Some claim teeth whitening hurt them: I, however, experienced no pain. 

THE COST

An arm and a leg :) 

No, seriously. I had two teeth extracted, two gingivectomies, lower teeth polishing, three veneers, a seven-unit bridge, Zoom! in-office teeth whitening, and countless temporary veneers made. And I probably made the dentist lose his mind with all my requests. It did cost a lot, but the owner is so amazing and caring for their patients that she usually offers everyone significant discounts. I must have paid way less than I would have anywhere in Croatia, let alone abroad. 

REGRETS

I swear I have none. And I would do it all over again anytime, despite the ugly temporary veneers breaking at the most bizzare occassions (at a wedding!), despite the inability to eat normally for months, despite nearly suffocating with temporary veneers while sleeping.   

I do wish I got myself two more veneers on the left side, but I need a break from not being able to eat for so long, so I guess these'll have to wait for a while. 

FINAL RESULTS

Have you noticed I've been smiling a lot lately? 

That's because I absolutely L-O-V-E my new smile! And believe me when I say it changed my life.

Although the weakest (so to say) among the products that I'm about to present in this post, NYX's Soft Matte Lip Cream line was the reason I fell in love with liquid lipsticks in the first place. If I remember correctly, Monte Carlo was the first liquid lipstick I have ever owned. At the time, NYX didn't have a single store in Croatia, so I had to buy the shades I thought looked great in the photos online. Once I even mistakenly ordered a fake Prague and, even though it differed from the original in so many aspects, I actually did like its colour more than the original! :D

Back to the start: when I say that the SMLCs are the weakest among the products introduced here, what I have in mind primarily is their coverage and long wearing. These lipsticks have medium buildable coverage and are not eternally lasting (which I seek desperately in my lipsticks). Still, they've been around for quite some time now and there's an unparalleled variety of gorgeous shades (named after cities) to choose from. Thus far, I've owned five: Milan, Budapest, Prague, Monte Carlo, and Copenhagen. The shade I am wearing in the photos is Milan, which is basically my "everyday / off-to-work" companion and best friend.

These lip creams cost about €5.50 a piece and can now be purchased from NYX's stores in Zagreb and Split.

PROS: great variety of gorgeous shades, creamy semi-permanent formula, medium buildable coverage, genuine matte finish, great smell, dries quickly, doesn't feel heavy on the lips

CONS: colour starts cracking after a few hours and needs to be reapllied, particularly the darker shades

I stumbled upon them randomly one day at a local drugstore (Bipa): never before have I heard about this brand. But the available 8 shades looked so stunning I decided to give them a shot: I bought two (Smoke Rubin and Bordo Passion). And I've never been so pleasantly surprised in my entire life: these lipsticks turned out to match all the lipstick requirements I had, far beyond expected. Moreover, I later found out that HEAN Cosmetics is a cruelty-free company and that their products are hypoallergenic, which made me love them even more.

I love these HEAN lipsticks so much that I had to show you the both shades that I currently have (Smoke Rubin above and Bordo Passion below). I have to point out that the latter is actually more on the red side than it looks like in the photos.

Finally, this is what most of the lipstick shades I mentioned look like on the back of my hand. I find it  almost impossible to decide which one I like most.